Tower: ”Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: ”Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”

Tower: ”TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: ”Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: ”Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: ”Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: ”I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”

O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: ”United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: ”Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): ”Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): ”If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): ”I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: ”Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: ”Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: ”Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: ”Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): ”Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): ”Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”

Gubben sendte meg denne med følgende kommentar:
“Er vel ikke bare deroppe han har det slik…”

Nei, jeg tror det er alt for mange unger som allerede har mye mer enn de trenger, men jeg synes den var utrolig morsom og har ikke tenkt å starte noen diskusjon om bortskjemte unger eller noe.

I usually get a few jokes on mail every Friday. I got one in Norwegian from a friend of mine that I thought was quite fun.

Fakta om mennesket: (Norwegian only)
* Det tar 7 sekunder for maten å passere fra munnen til magen.
* Et menneskes hårstrå kan holde 3 kg vekt.
* Lengden av mannens penis er tommelens lengde ganger tre.
* Lårbeinet er hardt som betong.
* Kvinnens hjerte slår raskere enn mannens.
* På hver fot har vi tusen milliarder bakterier.
* Kvinnen blunker to ganger oftere enn mannen.
* Vi bruker 300 muskler bare for å holde balansen når vi står.
* Kvinnen har alt lest hele denne mailen.
* Menn ser fortsatt på tommelen sin!

*
*
*

Ok – another one in English then.

As a man ages, it is natural that his hair starts thinning.

It is a well-known fact that when a man is bald at the front
of his head, it’s because he’s a great thinker.

Also, when a man is bald at the back of his head, it’s
because he’s sexy.

Unfortunately, when a man is bald both front and back, he
only thinks he’s sexy…

Instead of putting a picture of a bald man here I think a bald eagle is better.

OK – one about women:
How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , “A man once told me… “

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s
house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

I wonder who’s the better friend of this cat…

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